Your Wife is Cheating
Get Help Coping with Adultery

On most days, you see yourself as the type of man who has everything under control; in your wildest dreams, you'd never imagine that your wife is cheating on you.

You knew that she'd like you to talk more about your day and hang those pictures that have been collecting dust since Christmas, but you've thought that in general she was happy. You work hard so she can work less. The sex, when you have it, is good. You even agreed to have the college roommate and her husband over last week, even though they're her friends more than yours.

Disaster Strikes - You've Discovered
Your Wife is Cheating

Suddenly you find yourself searching the internet to get help coping with adultery. You silently curse to yourself while you secretly consider recording her instant messages on WebWatcherNow.com and wonder: Is this really what my life has become?

Coping with Adultery -
How to be Sure your Wife is Cheating

If you have reason to believe that any of the following apply to your spouse, it may be that she's found herself a lover. Here are some common Red Flags that may imply your wife is cheating:

- She withholds affection: She's stopped kissing you hello and goodbye. You're thinking that you should invest in Aspirin, as she conveniently has a headache every time you hint at a romp between the sheets.
 
- She doesn't really need you: Come to think of it, she hasn't been nagging you about those pictures in months, and she's stopped asking you for advice about dealing with her nosey co-worker.

- She's acting extraordinarily nice: You didn't really think she enjoyed ironing all those Oxford shirts on her day off, did you? And what's this "have a great day" note in your brown bag lunch all about? It's all about guilt.
 
- She has something to hide: Your wife's become secretive and defensive regarding her whereabouts. She goes into the other room when the telephone rings and minimizes windows on her computer screen whenever you enter her line of vision.

Coping with Adultery - Understanding
Why your Wife is Cheating

Many women have affairs because of boredom and because of spouses who are sexually and/or emotionally unavailable. Some learned this behavior from parents who committed adultery when they were children. Others have unrealistic ideas about love and marriage; if the early glow of romance fades, they may seek affection somewhere else.

Generally, women who have affairs are looking for love. (Their motivation is very different from men who typically have affairs to avoid intimacy with both their wives and their lovers). Statistics show that the majority of affairs start in the workplace. Although many of these are unplanned - for example, the evolution of a friendship or flirtation with a boss or coworker - others occur for a purpose. When it comes to women, that purpose generally isn't for a promotion. Most likely, there's a much deeper reason why your wife is cheating - and it has more to do with your marriage.

Coping with Adultery - The Emotional Affair

For some couples, cheating takes the form of an emotional affair, which are becoming increasingly popular and easy to find in the current technological age. Inhibitions are easily relaxed on the Internet, and the fear of discovery - as well the burden of expense, planning, and STD's - are less. The thought of wanting to engage in sex/romance with someone else can violate the trust and stability of a relationship in the same way as a more traditional affair. For many women, cheating is not about sex at all. If your wife is cheating, she may be looking for the emotional intimacy that's missing at home.

Why your Wife is Cheating - Revenge is Sweet

Are you that guy who was once committing adultery and who is now coping with adultery himself? Not surprising!

Some women consciously choose to have affairs as a way to retaliate for their spouse's past philandering. They may be fed up with the inequality in their relationships or extremely frustrated at their husband's inability to change.

In addition to being angry with their husbands, some wives may be furious by the double standards of a dominant culture in which people are likely to view infidelity as more acceptable for men as opposed to women. They want to prove they can play that game too!

Transitional Anxiety may be
why your Wife is Cheating

If your wife is cheating, consider the possibility that the affair is associated with the transitional anxiety around life cycle changes. For example, stressors that may put a couple at risk for an affair include having a young child or adolescent in the home, while taking care of their elderly parents. Female caretakers in this "sandwich generation" may wish for an escape from their everyday lives.

Why your Wife is Cheating -
She may be Looking for a Way Out

The "exit affair" can be an attempt to end the marriage in a way that's more comfortable to the betrayer. Wives may have affairs so their husbands will leave them first. Or they may use the affair as an excuse to get into couple's therapy, with the hope that a professional will help their spouse cope with the divorce.

What Can Help you while you're
Coping with Adultery

Although figuring out which steps to take when you discover your wife is cheating may be a highly individualized process, there are clearly some things that will and will not help a man when facing the challenges of coping with adultery.

Coping with Adultery -
Your Reactions are Normal

First you should know that your reactions are normal. You've experienced a level of trauma with symptoms comparable to post-traumatic stress disorder.

Of course, you can't sleep. The recurrent, obsessive thoughts - the anxiety, rage, and emotional or behavioral distance from your wife - are all a natural part of this betrayal. Denying your feelings and/or shutting down communication entirely will only create additional problems and make things even worse.

Coping with Adultery -
Questions to Ask Yourself

You need to ask yourself some serious questions. Ignoring the underlying issues never helped anyone who is coping with adultery. On your own, or with the help of a trained professional, ask yourself these questions which will help you decide whether you should divorce or attempt to save your marriage:

- Do you have a clear understanding of why the affair occurred and the reassurance that it has absolutely ended?

- What will it take to make you believe that your partner won't stray again?

- What will it take for you to forgive her? What can she do to help you?

- Is your wife able to admit her fault and show an appreciation for your pain, your disappointment and your suffering?

Coping with Adultery -
You Should Know that There is Hope

According to the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapists, 25 percent of all married couples struggle with infidelity. And most do not divorce.

Affairs do not have to mean the end of your relationship. Love and forgiveness can lead to a reconciliation and create a resilience that can transform a relationship. With hard work and a hopeful attitude, you can help make your relationship stronger than ever.

Get Help Today if you
Suspect your Wife is Cheating

Talk to a Relationship Coach and
Get Help Coping with Adultery

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